The Waiting Game: Why it Takes So Long to Start as an Executor
By Jason R. Roske
Owner, KC Auction & Appraisal Company
After someone passes away, the assumption is that things move quickly—especially if there’s a will and an executor named. But in reality, that’s not how it works.
When I was named the executor of my friend’s estate, I was surprised by how long it took before I was actually able to do anything on his behalf. From the day he passed to the moment I had the official paperwork in hand, nearly two months had gone by.
That time felt longer than I ever expected. And for many people, it can take even longer—sometimes much longer. If there’s a contested will, ambiguous paperwork, family drama, or any number of unforeseen complications, the process can drag on for months or even years.
I’m sharing this part of my journey because if you’ve been named an executor, you’ll need to prepare for the unexpected delays and emotional toll that can come with this role. You’ll also need to brace yourself for the financial realities that may hit long before you’re legally empowered to manage the estate.
This is the second blog post in this series. If you want to start at the beginning, please click So You’ve Been Named an Executor—Now What?
Why the Delay?
Here’s a quick breakdown of how things unfolded in my case:
- Choosing an Attorney – I had a specific attorney I wanted to work with—Jennie Carter from The Counts Law Firm, LLC—because I trusted her experience with estate law. But like many good attorneys, her schedule wasn’t immediately open. I had to wait for an available time to meet with her and discuss the estate.
- Filing with the County – After I met with Jennie, we had to file the necessary paperwork with the county probate court. This begins the process of validating the will and appointing the executor. There was also discussion as to where the paperwork should be filed. My friend lived in Kansas City, MO for most of his life, but he died in Johnson County, KS in an assisted living facility with no plans to go back to Missouri. It was decided to file in Johnson County, Kansas because they work more efficiently than Jackson County, Missouri.
- Waiting for the Court Date – Once the paperwork was filed, I had to wait for a court date. With the court’s backlog, the hearing took place over Zoom. It was during that virtual meeting that I was officially confirmed as the executor.
- Getting the Paperwork – Even after being approved by the court, it took another week before I received the official paperwork confirming the judge’s order. Until those documents were in my hands, I couldn’t act on behalf of the estate in any official capacity.
The Financial Burden No One Warns You About
What I wasn’t prepared for—and what many new executors don’t realize—is that while you’re waiting to be empowered by the court, the bills don’t stop.
In my case, my friend didn’t have immediate family and had never added anyone to his banking accounts. That meant there was no one authorized to pay necessary bills after his death. And until I was officially appointed, I couldn’t access any of his funds.
So what happened? I had to pay those expenses out of my own pocket.
- Cremation and Death Certificates – Within days of his passing, I had to cover the cost of cremation and request multiple death certificates—an essential step since you’ll need copies to manage most aspects of the estate later.
- Utilities and Insurance – Since no one else was authorized to handle these accounts, I had to pay the utilities and insurance bills to keep everything running. Some companies were understanding and noted the situation, but others demanded payment to avoid disconnection.
- Attorney Retainer – As soon as I sat down with Jennie Carter, I had to pay her retainer to get the legal process started. That, too, came from my own family’s budget.
For many people, these unexpected expenses can be a real burden—especially when there’s no immediate reimbursement or guarantee of repayment until the estate is settled.
The Emotional and Social Complexity
If the financial strain wasn’t enough, there was another layer I wasn’t prepared for: the rumor mill.
Before I was even legally able to manage the estate, the gossip started. People seemed to come out of the woodwork, all claiming they had verbal agreements or promises from my friend about certain items.
“He promised me that painting.”
“I was supposed to get that piece of furniture.”
“We had an understanding.”
These stories were impossible to verify or debunk. And while some people may have been sincere, others seemed to be fueled by a different motive—greed.
The other challenging situation in regard to gossip was the fact that several people came to me saying they heard someone else was going to contest the will at the hearing. None of this came to fruition, but it was just another level of BS.
As an executor, I had to learn quickly to tune out the noise. If I hadn’t, I would’ve been pulled in a dozen different directions before I was even legally empowered to act.
The Time Commitment: Like Running a Small Business
I’ve heard people compare being an executor to running a small business, managing another family’s affairs, or even being a pit boss for a race car team. I can tell you, they’re not wrong.
No matter what you compare it to, the reality is that being an executor is a huge time commitment.
Even now, I’m surprised by how much time I’ve had to devote to this process—and I feel like I’m barely hanging on. Every step takes more time than you think it will, and it’s not just the legal and financial work. It’s the emotional toll too.
There are moments when I find myself pausing to remember the hundreds of conversations my friend and I had—conversations that would’ve continued had he not died. That’s the part no one prepares you for. While you’re trying to manage the logistics, you’re also managing your grief.
A Helpful Resource from My Attorney
To help me get a better handle on the process, Jennie Carter from The Counts Law Firm, LLC provided me with a helpful list of tasks and steps I needed to consider after our initial contact. If you would like a copy of this list please email info@KCAuctionCompany.com with the subject line “Executor Tasks”
Important Disclaimer:
These materials were written by The Counts Law Firm, LLC for general informational purposes only. They are not intended to create an attorney-client relationship, and they are not a substitute for sound legal advice for your unique situation.
What I Wish I’d Known Sooner
If I had to sum up what I’ve learned so far, it would be this:
✅ Be prepared for delays. Nothing moves as quickly as you think it will. Court schedules, attorney availability, and administrative tasks all take time.
✅ Understand that you might have to front some costs. If there’s no one else to handle immediate expenses, those initial bills could fall on you.
✅ Block out the noise. Rumors and unverifiable promises can overwhelm you if you let them. Stick to the legal documentation and stay focused on the task at hand.
Up Next: Getting Everything up to Date and Ready to Sell
Now that I’ve been officially confirmed as the executor, I’ve moved on to the next phase: updating records and getting the estate ready to liquidate.
If you’re following this series, thank you for joining me on this journey. I hope these posts help shed some light on what you might experience if you ever find yourself in this role.
