The Stuff of a Life: Sorting Through the Assets of an Estate
By Jason R. Roske
Owner, KC Auction & Appraisal Company
If there’s any part of the estate process that should feel easy for me, it’s this: the stuff.
I’ve spent my career around objects and estates. I’ve run antique shops, managed estate sales, sold at shows around the country, and was even one of the original eBay Power Sellers. Today, I own and operate KC Auction & Appraisal Company, where we help families handle inherited collections, art, furniture, and heirlooms every week.
But walking through my friend’s house—now officially managing the belongings of his estate—is something else entirely.
More Than Just Things
This isn’t my parents’ house, and it isn’t just a stranger’s estate. My friend was close in age to my parents, and we spent countless hours together – talking, watching TV, drinking coffee, and getting my hair cut. (He was a talented barber who worked out of his home.)
Many of the pieces in his house were ones he purchased from me over the years. Others he proudly shared the stories behind—where he found them, what they meant, how they connected to his life or his values. He was an antiques dealer since his teenage years—his parents had to drive him to antique shows before he had a driver’s license. He had a deep sense of history, of legacy, of memory.
That perspective was woven into his entire life. His first business was a hair salon on the Plaza here in Kansas City. He even had the contract with TWA to style their new flight attendants to bring them up to airline standards. He built and ran several successful businesses and still never lost his love for old things.
His longtime partner—who passed away last fall—shared that sensibility. Their lives were deeply intertwined, and now, many of their belongings still live in the same space, echoing their shared passions. It makes every decision feel more personal, more layered.
When the Personal Meets the Professional
I know how to handle the mechanics of selling. I know markets, value, provenance, and presentation. But this is different. These aren’t just inventory items. These were his things.
And in many ways, it feels like he’s still here—like I should be texting him to ask where something came from, or what he’d like me to do with it. The weight of this part of the process isn’t about stuff. It’s about stories. It’s about silence where a conversation used to be.
Grief in the Details
This part of being an executor is deceptively quiet. There’s no courtroom Zoom call, no paperwork to file—just you and the things left behind.
And even though it’s quiet, it’s consuming. I find myself pulled into memories unexpectedly. The “work” of the estate process is time-consuming—but the emotional processing is just as demanding.
I’ve found a surprising amount of comfort simply talking to people who know estates and the challenges they can present to the executor. When I connect with someone who truly understands this world—especially the messy, emotional, human side of it—I walk away feeling lighter. More grounded. Less alone.
It’s Getting Easier
Many of the emotions I’ve written about—grief, uncertainty, pressure—have gotten easier over time. The turning point was this: I stopped waiting for everyone to agree with every decision.
I know some people will be upset, but I’ve realized I can’t let that keep me from doing what needs to be done. I’m responsible for the estate—and more importantly, for honoring my friend’s wishes.
And here’s what brings me real solace: I know he trusted me to do this. We had conversations. He asked me to be his executor because I would be able to tell people no. He knew I’d do it right. He knew I’d make sure everything was taken care of—not just legally, but respectfully.
That clarity—that confidence he had in me—is what makes this part of the journey a little less heavy.
Coming Soon: Let’s Talk About Estate Trauma
A couple of years ago, I recorded a Behind the Gavel with Jason podcast episode with Britt Frank and offhandedly used the phrase “Estate Trauma”—a term I might have made up in that moment, but one that seems to ring true the deeper I get into this experience.
There’s something real about the emotional weight we carry when dealing with someone else’s legacy. Not just the grief, but the guilt, the overwhelm, the pressure to “do it right,” the burden of other people’s opinions, and the heartbreak of finality.
I’ll be diving into that concept in an upcoming post—because I think a lot of people need to know they’re not the only ones feeling that heaviness.
